The Waiting Game

On my way home from the suppression hearing today, I stopped at Brandy's Memorial Bench at YSU. It was raining and cold. I wasn't sure if I was shaking from the chilling air or the feelings that I was overcome with. Should I tell Brandy what went on today? Do I speak out loud? Do I stay silent, should I leave her a cigarette, can you smoke in heaven?

Things went as expected, the trial looks like it will take place in May. One year after the crime. To be in a courtroom in the presence of two cold blooded murderers, the two "girls" or "women" who killed someone's daughter, their granddaughter, niece, someone's (a lot of someones) best friend, someones big sister... it will never get easier.
They want to move one of them to another prison facility. Said it's not good for her, psychologically, to be there. Her well-being is being jeopardized. Well-being? Of someone who omitted someone else? Human rights should be only for humans, not barbarians.
I do trust the prosecution and the solidity of their case. The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania will find justice for Brandy's family.
I saw a special yesterday on the weekly news. It was on texting and driving. A family shared a heartbreaking story of how they lost their dad/husband due to a careless teen texting on the road. It didn't happen far from where I live, to my surprise. The man had been out for a jog when the teen looked at her phone to text, and smashed into him, causing severe damage, and ultimately, taking his life.
My condolences to the family for having lost such a life, especially in such a way.
My point to make is only against the behavior of the victim's family member who kept repeating, "It wasn't an accident, it wasn't an accident, she killed him." The teen served 22 days in jail, and after the verbal attacks of the family, she sobbed her apologies to the them and to the court. She will speak to young teens about the dangers of texting and driving.
The reporter noted that we identify with these people, we know that it could have been us who had looked down at our GPS or our phone for a brief moment, and caused an accident. But it was an accident. It was a terrible, deadly, and tragic accident, but it was not intentional.
So tell me, if this was "not an accident," does that mean more hope for the punishment of the two murderers of Brandy Rosine? Premeditation, a vicious attack, a burial, car cleaning, burning evidence, facebooking a status, "Notorious," can these actions ensure a strong punishment? I hope so.
But then again, it wouldn't undo the crime...
Until next time.

The Memorial Bench!

This is how it happens.

Your friend/daughter/granddaughter/cousin goes missing. Days pass, you check the address she was last known to be at, you call her, text her, post missing signs. Utilize social media to build awareness, and you talk to people you have never heard of about your missing person.
You go door to door an hour away begging for answers, asking kids at the park if you've seen the girl in this picture.
One day later, you get the horrific phone call; your worst nightmare has come true. They found her body.
That morning you find yourself in an office at the bank. A curly haired lady is explaining tax information to you; you have decided to open up an account for the family of Brandy Rosine. At the funeral, you post a sign letting fellow mourners know that this exists.
You begin google image searching memorial benches. To create a place to sit and mourn the loss of Brandy and celebrate her life becomes the main goal.
Two months later, at the advice of a friend of Brandy's, you order one hundred wrist bands with her name on them. Oh, don't forget to put a smiley face on them, because these bands must bring a positive message, they will connect us to Brandy in a way we may never be connected to her again.
After a week and a half, the first hundred wrist bands are gone, and the memorial fund has doubled itself. Awareness grows, and you find yourself buying stamps every other day, and quite happily.
A benefit is held at a local bar, and you walk away with a few hundred more dollars. The feeling, walking into that bank with the envelope for Brandy, is indescribable.
Your partner, Brandy's mom, who has become such a close friend, gets us into the Octoberfest. That's where the bulk of the money was raised. After that, another benefit at a bar, and BAM, you're at the bank again, purchasing a $2,500 money order to purchase a bench from YSU.
The bench is finally installed in the last week of December,
The dedication ceremony is Saturday, January 5th, at 12:00 noon!
Miss you, Brandy, I wish she could have seen this.

November 30th; Brandy's Birthday

Today, 21 years ago, Brandy was born.

Not much over a year ago, Brandy and I were with a friend at a local bar called the Lemon Grove. I was drinking PBR, our friend was drinking wine. There is a picture of that day, where my beer was in front of Brandy and she said she can't believe my cheap beer was in her picture. I remember talking about buying her a drink, but not doing it.
I wish I would have.
I always thought I'd have today.

Found the picture:

Well, the benefit concert is tomorrow. We planned it the day after her birthday so that we could all "celebrate" together. It's going to be a blast. We've never done anything like this before, but hopefully it will be an annual event to raise money for the scholarship that will go to a Boardman High School graduate to be determined sometime in March.

This morning, Carrie and I went shopping to prepare. We're having hot dogs, sloppy joe's, nachos and cheese, and pretzels. We have several donations also; a local bar (Tangier's) donated 4 pizzas for us, and Carrie ordered a cake for Brandy's birthday, which I think may have been donated. (Gotta check on that.) I've got to acquaint myself with Mario Kart. Brandy used to come over with her Wii and royally beat me every single time. Relentless, was she with that game. So I thought we should have a Mario Kart Tournament. The Refuge (the venue for all of this) has four flat screen tvs with game systems hooked up. Wii being one of them. So that makes this tournament a given. We HAD to do it! They have a kitchen, a grill in the back, nice bathrooms, and a half-basketball court. Pool tables. Oh, a stage area, of course, where the 12 bands will be playing. It's an all day event, by the way. I wish I had a video journalist friend, this would be even more interesting.

Until next time,

wish me luck for tomorrow.

Crime and Punishment

Today is one of the more difficult days.
I found the alleged murderers' court dockets online (papublicrecords) and while they are limited in information for me, it did stir up some feelings.
As I consider the future of someone who stole the life of such an amazing person as Brandy Rosine in modern day times, I wish terribly that we were all born 100 years ago.
As the finer times website says, "The middle ages was a time of severe punishment and harsh torture for crimes that today would seem trivial." ... "Medieval towns people had a very close understanding of how punishment happened, as they were often present during punishment. Although murderers were often executed, the majority of lesser medieval offenses were punished by shaming the criminal publicly."
I know that an eye for an eye isn't a sort of theology that best fits our world today. I trust that the American justice system will do its best in this case, yet it still baffles me... all the details... how could someone commit such a crime and yet still engage in privileges such as the pleasure of reading a good book? Of a hot shower, of the ability to look out of a window at a sunrise?
And how could anyone defend these people?
...I could never be a lawyer. Offer me all the money in the world, seventeen yachts, a baseball team, and a lifetime of happiness, and I still wouldn't stand in a court room and tell a judge not to burn these two at the stake, or any murderer of innocence, for that matter.

I wish there was some way to make Brandy's family feel better.
That's my bottom line.

Memorial Bench: Check!

http://www.wkbn.com/content/news/local/story/Memorial-Bench-Purchased-for-Murder-Victim/WAyvu3Tk7kOe0nuNHldI5A.cspx

The good news came after a benefit at a local bar called Split Level. Going into the night, we knew we needed 300 dollars to obtain the 2500 needed for the bench.
That night, the bar was  packed with friends of Brandy, friends of her friends, people who knew her well and people who didn't know her at all. I watched the place fill up and some drank, some sat quietly watching the slideshow of images of Brandy behind the bar on the TV. I was pleasantly surprised by the turnout.
Brandy's friends sang to songs she would have liked, or songs that pertain to having lost such an amazing person. Her mom had a chance to speak, during which she told everyone present, "If you ever need someone to talk to... come get my number... you can talk to me."
Later in the evening I too had a chance to go up and let everyone know that after we collected the funds raised that evening, we would have enough to purchase the memorial bench!! It brought me such great pleasure to have been able to announce that.
The next day, I deposited the 500.00 raised at Split Level (!), and purchased a $2,500 money order.
Carrie and I brought the money order to the department of development at Youngstown State University the next day and spoke with Catherine Calla about  what the plaque should say. Between Brandy's sister, aunt, and grandmother, everyone decided this would be best;

In Memory of Brandy Stevens-Rosine

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

1991-2012

The night after we gave Catherine the check for the memorial bench, I have to express the emotion that overcame me. This was a day that I had been pushing for since May, when it all hit us like a train. The bracelets, the benefits, the emails, the postage, everything. Indigogo.com, news reporters, the huffington post, the Octoberfest... everything has lead to this point. My friendship with Brandy pushed for a strong desire in me to work with her mom to a common goal of not letting Brandy be silenced by her murder. Our first goal was accomplished; the memorial bench has been paid for. I had waited patiently.

So I laid there in bed that night thinking about the weight that was still on my chest, the hole that is still in my head and the black in my heart over what happened to Brandy. These were all supposed to have been healed today. By purchasing this bench... at least I thought. Somehow I had set this unrealistic expectation of the accomplishment; to cure my sadness.

And having not acquired the miracle healing I somehow expected, I was sadly disappointed.

I told Carrie about it the next day, and she wasn't surprised. She assured me that we are far from over with this. Carrie expressed her interest in speaking out against violence in major cities around the US. She really is something to have the strength to fight through this. Really it's quite inspiring.

Now what we keep an eye out for is the dedication ceremony for the memorial bench. Weather permitting. YSU's memorial benches are manufactured within 5-7 weeks of the order. It should be done the first week of December. I thought it'd be perfect if it was done the weekend of her birthday; November 30th. She would  have been 21! The bench will sit outside of Kilcawley, where students usually meet between classes.

Our next fundraising goal is $1,500 for a scholarship fund in Brandy's name. After that, we could purchase a memorial tree on YSU's campus as well, for $1,500. 

I remember when I began trying to raise money for Brandy, I said that I wouldn't stop until I had a place to sit and cry over the loss of my friend. A place to mourn the terrible loss, and a place to sit with her friends and laugh until I can't breathe remembering times with Brandy. That time is closer than I thought!!

I can't thank everyone enough for the support. I'm always surprised by turnouts and how many "likes" a simple status update on the Brandy Rosine Memorial Facebook page gets, and even how many page views this simple blog gets.

Art Project

Hello everyone. Hope all is well.
I wanted to share the project I'm working on. As I've recently learned about the Eighfold Path to enlightenment according to Buddhism, I based my idea for a sculpture project on Brandy.

The eightfold path is this: (http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html)

1. Right View	Wisdom
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech	Ethical Conduct
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort	Mental Development
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

I asked Brandy's family for eight articles of clothing that I could use to represent her. (They gave me a matching outfit that really speaks Brandy!) These articles will be arranged in an interesting manner in a glass shadow box.

articles I'm working with on the project

The front panel of the shadow box will list the eight nouns associated with the eightfold path.
View, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration. I'm going to make the words stacked vertically and paint the negative space behind them with a frost, so that you can still see through it, but it will create a visually appealing effect.

I'm very excited to work on this (if you can't tell)!
I will be sure to post my progress.


Ideally, I would have this finished by Sunday, when a local bar/hangout of Brandy's (where she didn't drink) is hosting a benefit for her. Split Level is the last place I saw Brandy in April, so I really look forward to this. I am not sure that my supplies will be in on time, but we shall see.
Also coming up is the Boardman High School orchestra concert that they are dedicating to Brandy tomorrow!
Lots to surround ourselves with here from Brandy.
Until next time.

Sharing the Media Coverage

Vindicator front page!

Youngstown State University's newspaper: front page again!

Guys, here's to the local media's generosity. It really shows me that in time of need, they will be there. Too often it seems the media is regarded as this black hole of useless information, but it truly has lended a helping hand to mine and Carrie's efforts.


Local News Coverage of Oktoberfest 9/30/2012:
http://www.wytv.com/content/news/local/story/Beaver-Township-Woman-Remembered-at/nqXuvdw0MUOTajFBr1VXHA.cspx

Report after Preliminary Hearing 8/24/2012:
http://www.wytv.com/content/news/local/story/Testimony-Reveals-Beaver-Woman-Was-Buried-Alive/mJOZ6qvKMEKnpf58PZfykQ.cspx

Non-Violence Parade 10/07/2012
http://www.wytv.com/content/news/local/story/Parade-And-Rally-Kicks-Off-Non-Violence-Week/8xYY-vvj1kajg88l2lZyAQ.cspx